Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
