Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it because I queefed?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
