I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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