Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
