Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
