the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
