I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
