i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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