Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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