is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize