my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
