i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
