Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
