Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
