how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
