Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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