Are we in a gay sports bar?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
