if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
