so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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