Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
