cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
