no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
