very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
