I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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