I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
