is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
