This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
