we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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