Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
