I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
