Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
