I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just invented taco cereal.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
