I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
