i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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