good thing vaginas are great cup holders
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
