one two three fourrrrnication!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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