whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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