forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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