I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
