you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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