I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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