I'm going to jail i love you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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