Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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