The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
