Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am puke
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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