He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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