Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
