His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
