I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
