My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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